I told myself that 2015 will be a good year. Because I would make sure of it. The last couple of years I have been searching not only for my future, but for myself as well. Who am I. Most important. What am I. Many times I have envied people because they knew exactly want they wanted. I fought hard, and I won.
Now is not the time to tell you all the details on how I found my road. Or the way back. In stead I want to tell you the struggles that have kept me from my road. A shock: it was myself. A great songwriter once sang; the hardest battle you’re ever going to have to fight, is the battle that just be you. No bigger truth in there.
Ever since I was little I wrote little stories down in the notebooks I bought for school. I was never much of a talker (let me clearify; I can talk as much as I want depending on who is in front of me). Time to rephrase that. I was never much of speaker. And I know I never will be. Not to talk myself down (no pun intended). But every person is cut out for something. They have a spark, a talent. Some lucky bastards; multiple talents. I guess my ‘talent’ would be writing. I feel comfortable in the skin of the written words, and I get high by the smell of a new book.
Only then I got a bit distracted by music. Not that its a bad thing. I ended up being able to play a bit on the bass guitar. Own one myself; beautiful black Ibanez that goes by the name Jack. Only a lot of times were I was at a place, not quite so much for the music or the artist (I go to concerts a lot and that’s in all of its good reasons) but I wanted to be a part of that community. Now I think about that, its not so bad as well. That community contains some loving people that just care about having fun and treating each other right. But the thought ‘I just don’t fit here’ have come a crossed to many times it should be.
I have never experienced that feeling with writing. Mainly because it can be a lonely occupation. Only the problem that was keeping me down with this was that I could be not good enough. There are plenty of writers in the world that are better than me. And there are plenty enough. This is not quite a heavy thought. Only remember that a small thought can turn into a depression. After this whole little story you probably want to know how I fought this battle. How I won.
I started to realize that a writer is the person that I am. There are plenty of dancers around the world. Plenty of singers. Those groups are big. One person extra to the writing group isn’t a big deal as well. And if I wont succeed in that (terrified to write that sentence down because I believe in karma and positive thinking) than it still wont erase the fact that I am a writer. And I always will be. Dont be afraid in accepting who you are.
My name is Lynn and I am a writer.
– Lynn Kentin